Back in class again...really cool to see my yoga friends and Dolly. Today in class we discussed meditation, women's issues like pregnancy and menstruation (and how one's practice is affected by these states), and our greatest challenge as yoga teachers.
Practice was deep stretch for 90 minutes. It was heaven. And since I haven't practiced for a month-and-a-half, it was a great way to ease back in. I did pigeon on both sides for the first time since March, I think, and it felt incredible...knees have held up! Of course, I've iced and Alleved, and hopefully they won't be screaming at me tomorrow. I pray. If not, that's a great sign. But I've decided that I'm going to resume my regular practice with modifications as necessary. Knees, actually, just my left knee, is not as bad as it was, but not getting to 100% despite so much time off. So I'm going to just listen to my body and take it from there. But even if it begins to act up again, I've got to start a serious home practice. As Greg pointed out today, I've got to show up, even for just 15 minutes a day. Imagine if I had been working splits or Pincha Mayurasana or Mountain Climber for just 15 minutes a day for the last month. I'd be a hell of a lot further along than I am now. There's no reason why I can't show up for 15 or 20 minutes. Period.
I have to sit still? For 10 minutes? Oy vey.
So on to the real challenge of the day for me: meditation. We talked a lot about it and I've tried it before, but have never been a big fan. We sat this morning for seven minutes, and that went well for me. We sat again for 10 minutes before finishing up around 5:00pm, and it was a different experience. My back was tired, my legs were tired, and I kept falling asleep. I was more fidgety than in our morning meditation and my thoughts were way more pervasive. What I gathered from this is that if I decided to add this to my list of things to do, it has to be in the morning. In the past when I've meditated at home, it has always been for about 10 minutes in the morning. Honestly, I think that might be enough time for mindfulness for me. It centers me and I wouldn't dread committing to just 10 minutes. I don't know...we'll see how the rest of the week goes.
I know the point of yoga is really to get inside, to get to the meditation, but for a very active person like myself, the sitting is actually torture. Apparently I have a long way to go in this department. But why can't I sit and meditate when I'm old? (OK, I mean really old!) I almost feel too alive to do it now. I can't explain it. I know I'm probably breaking some cardinal school of thought by saying these things, but right now, it just doesn't speak to me. Though I don't think this is a permanent feeling. I could eventually see myself picking it up. But at this point in my life, I feel like a caged tiger that's just been returned to the wild. Not really ready to be still. Not yet.