Yoga Teacher Training, Day 5, Module 3

AHHHHHHHHH! It's over with, finally!

We had to teach a full 90-minute class to another classmate today. I know my reluctance makes absolutely no sense whatsoever since I'm in yoga teacher training. It's a little silly to think that I wouldn't teach...and to not want to since this is what I signed up for is even more preposterous. So be it.

Truth is (and it's commonly known at this point, I think), I am terrified, really scared about teaching. Not that I don't think I can do it eventually. But I have horrific stage fright and nerves. I am good at sutras, talking, keeping it light, setting the scene...tunes and all that, but when it comes to stringing asanas together, I find it extraordinarily challenging. That's for two reasons:

1. My frame of reference is Dolly. The Dolly-lama, as we were joking about today in class. She is extraordinary. There is no other way to describe her classes. She brings it all together: the sutra, the asanas, humor, sanskrit, sequencing, music, assists, attention. Anyone who has taken a class with Dolly knows exactly what I'm talking about. So in the back of my mind, I want to recreate this experience, with my own flavor and personality, of course. But she's so mind-bogglingly good, it's frightening. And she makes it look effortless, when in truth, the reason why her classes are so good is because she does put time and herself into each and every one of them. You can feel the love.


2. My home practice isn't regular enough yet for me to be comfortable with my own sequencing. Sure, I can jump on my mat and rock it. But in the right order, to invoke the right openings? That's another thing entirely. And 90 minutes is a long time to wing it. So I need to commit to a regular home practice. I know the results will be rewarding (more about that in a second).

Overall, I was actually very pleased with my teaching today, and my student gave me good feedback. I do know teaching the kids has helped me quite a bit in this regard...the nerves haven't been as prevalent. Last night, after coming home from class, going for a walk/run with the dog, a martini, dinner, a beer, and a lovely phone conversation with an equally lovely human being, I was inspired. At midnight, I cranked up The Cult (Electric), got on my mat, and started moving and writing. The result was a pleasing sequence, I think. And even though I finished five minutes early, for me, it was a huge victory. I'm thinking, I might be able to seriously do this one day—and enjoy it. That would be so cool. I would really love to be able to report to work in yoga clothes, crank some hot music, and just flow. How cool would that be?

Yoga Teacher Training, Day 5, Module 2

I don't know but I've been told,
I don't know but I've been told,
Yoga is good for your soul,
Yoga is good for your soul,
Sound off,
Sound off,
1,2,
1,2,
3,4,
3,4,
1,2,3,4,
1,2,3,4!

Now how does that made-up yoga marching drill fit into to our class today? I'll tell ya. I was the drill sergeant, and my classmates were the unfortunate victims of my five-minute yoga bootcamp! That was one of the "chants" we sang call-and-response style during my five minutes of ruling the world as a domineering drill sergeant. (I know, I know...for those of you that know me, it really isn't a far stretch! I've been accused of being Ms. Bossy Britches more than once.)

Anyway. I'm sure you're thinking, Yoga bootcamp? What the hell? So here's how it all went down...

To make a point about the importance of vibrancy and personality in teaching, Dolly had all of us teach a five minute segment of class as anyone but ourselves. We could be a bigger, louder version of ourselves, or some other character completely. All we had to do was focus on being the personality while teaching whatever asanas came to our heads. The sequence or screwing up didn't matter. Dolly called us up at random and we had to work with the students in whatever position they were in when the person before you finished.

It was a terrifying, wild, hysterical experience! We had an Aussie explorer and a Scotsman, a Rastafarian and a valley girl, a hippie, a girl with multiple personalities, a New Yorka, and more. Even though I am totally not an actress and not into being the center of attention, there was a certain sense of freedom in being able to teach as someone else. I was scared sh*tless, but I have to admit that it was kind of fun being able to scream at everyone and order them around like a drill sergeant! Drop and give me a chaturanga, people! It was an interesting exercise, to say the least. I think we all got a lot of insight into the "performance" aspect of teaching.

Practicing at the Wall
For our group practice, we worked at the wall for an hour and a half. Dolly showed us shoulder openers and ways to do Triangle, Half Moon, and several other asanas at the wall to allow deeper stretches, openings, and twists. It enabled us to see how with a small class, or with beginners, for example, you could leverage the wall to allow them to really feel a posture without having to focus on balancing. It was also great because I'm sure I wasn't the only one super sore in the lower back from working on Forearm Balances and Scorpion. Working at the wall was still a challenge, but at least it wasn't the typical highly active Power Vinyasa practice. I don't think I could've mustered another Up Dog even if someone paid me to do it.

Don't judge a book by its cover...will I ever learn this?
Today we read a homework assignment in which we were supposed to write a paper from our 85-year-old selves to ourselves now. Many of the papers were tear-jerkers, and I was completely taken aback by the eloquence of Melody's paper. I just never expected to hear such great writing and storytelling from her, such depth and emotion. This is not the first misinterpretation about a person I've had this week. I've gotten to know Adrienne a little bit, and the more I talked to her, the more surprised I was to find that my original impression of her was totally, completely off. But I never would have known if I hadn't taken the opportunity to get to know her, to begin to scratch the surface of who Adrienne is.

I definitely have a tendency to make snap judgements about people and based on my perception, and often dismiss the thought of even getting to know them. Now I see why I have so few friends. Instead of looking for 100% like-minded people, or basing my level of interest in a person on the way they look, I should be more open to getting to know others and appreciating their individual personalities. At minimum, I should at least work on opening myself up to the idea that so many people have something to offer. This is yoga off the mat—this soul searching, this dissection of oneself. It might take months or years, but yoga really does seep into your life in the best ways if you just let it. I think that in the long run, I'll be a less judgmental, more compassionate, connected person because of yoga.

PS: Snaps from today at lunch...we've been blessed with glorious weather so we've been lunching on the lawn outside the studio.

Marge and Rashida

Kelley and Juliana
(with an empty Camille's pastry bag after our cookie run!)















Adriennne















Marcia and me

Yoga Teacher Training, Day 5, Module 1

Today was such a surreal day, I almost don't know where to begin. Our class and practice focused on back bends, and Dolly warned us that sometimes back bends trigger emotional reactions. In our teaching manual, she wrote, "Moving into Back Bends requires that we expose our raw and vulnerable underbelly, the soft yin place that can leave us feeling threatened or insecure. Many deal with surges of emotion when doing powerful Back Bending, cleaning their temple of emotional debris."

I have to be honest—Dolly has told us multiple times that certain postures, like back bends and hip openers, often have deep emotional effects—but I found this really hard to believe. I'm a pretty well-adjusted person, strong of will and mind, so for me, it's ludicrous to think I might be affected emotionally (I mean deep, cathartic, gut-wrenching emotion) by doing yoga. Me, cry from doing yoga? Sounds impossible, actually.

So, we did our two-hour practice from 3:30pm to 5:30pm. Back bends galore. I loved it. I was feeling great actually being able to get my foot into the crook of my elbow and hand over the top in Dancer, even if only for a minute. It's a place I haven't been before. We took Savasana, wrapped up class, grabbed dinner, and reconvened for the last hour of class.

Finding Our Voices
Dolly had asked all of us to read The Laws of Spirit: A Tale of Transformation, and write a one page essay about the law that most resonated with us. In that last hour of class, we read our responses, and when Marge read hers, I just welled up and the tears just continued to flow through almost all the other responses I heard. Cay's response referenced my blog and my first entry about teacher training, in which I wrote that Cay is an enigma to me, and somehow that word, enigma, was a catalyst for her and she very eloquently tied it back to the Law of Integrity (Living Our Truth), I believe it was. I was so stunned, first by the fact that my initial impression of Cay was accurate (according to her!); second, that someone could connect so deeply with something I wrote—and that it could move them in a positive direction; and finally, that someone would think and say the very kind things Cay wrote about me in her response. I loved hearing Cay's realization—I was happy and flattered, and again, feeling Cay's emotion as well as my own.

Then Amber read her response, and she's such a bright, gentle soul, with a purity that's so rare these days, that of course, I was deeply touched by her words as well. She's like a little bird that you just want to take under your wing and protect, not because she isn't strong on her own, but because she has this aura of innocence...I can't really put my finger on exactly what it is. But she just radiates light.

When Greg sat down to respond, his writer's block suddenly lifted after many years, he told us, and so he wrote a story that just captivated us all. He is a very talented writer—I really hope he keeps at it because the world needs words like his out there. As Greg read, I wept, not only because of the eloquence of his writing, but because he wove a story so deeply entrenched in his own emotion and grace that I almost felt like I was inside his heart as he read it. I think he's very close to finding his purpose, perfect and right.

Never Say Never
To close class, Dolly asked us to come into a circle and join hands. As we sat there, with hands linked and our eyes closed, Dolly asked us to breathe in the love and energy of the person on our left and send it through our hearts to the person on the right. We did this for a couple minutes, perhaps, and as I breathed in and out, imagining Greg's energy on my left flowing in through my heart to Lauren on my right, I hit a wave of emotion that was rising to a crescendo with every breath. I was on the verge of sobbing, weeping steadily, because the more I breathed in, the harder it became to breathe. It was almost like I was so full of everyone's energy that there was no more room for my own breath. I know this sounds out there, but if you know me, you know that I am a very grounded person. When I say that this was a real and profound experience, I am dead serious. I've never felt anything like it before in my life.

So...me, cry from doing yoga? Uh, yeah, absolutely. It took a couple hours, but the back bends turned on a faucet in me that is still dripping ever so slightly even as I write. I wept half the time I was driving home. It's crazy, so crazy, and I swear I sound like one of those "out there" people, but you know what? That's OK. I know what I felt, what I feel, and I'm OK with that. I feel good.