Yoga Teacher Training, Day 2, Module 3

Although this morning started off a little nerve wracking for me, overall class was very informative and our practice rocked. So why the rough start?

Silence. And meditation.

I'm trying to get into meditation, but it's proving to be quite a feat. This morning when we walked in the studio door, we observed a period of sacred silence. That was OK. We could still smile a hello to each other, and it didn't feel oppressive. After we all arrived, Dolly rang the tingsha, and we meditated in complete silence for 16 minutes? 20 minutes? I can't remember. It felt like an eternity. Despite the fact that it was morning and I was awake and ready to go, I couldn't quiet my mind for anything. I kept hearing the U2 song I had been listening to on the way in. I was thinking that my knee wasn't quite comfortable. I fidgeted. I thought about sex. Wondered how long we'd been meditating. Was wishing I could just hear that tingsha again already!

Eventually the tingsha did ring, and we discussed the experience. I hate sounding negative, but there was nothing positive for me about it. It's excruciating. I was telling the class that as a Greek, silence is really not possible. There's always noise, always has been noise. Someone is always yelling, complaining, laughing, watching TV, clinking dishes around or gabbing on the phone. We lead a very noisy existence. You'd think I'd appreciate the reprieve, but honestly about the only time I want semi-silence is when I'm writing. Otherwise, the silence is deafening. And maddening. And being still and silent? I've found a new way to torture a Greek.

Moving on.

Practice today was heaven again. I really enjoyed it. We did a mandala (sacred circle) style vinyasa flow, in which we turned to face different sides of the studio (creating a circle) while going through a flow of postures. I especially liked the practice not only because it was a typical sweat-inducing vinyasa class, but because we ran through poses like Warrior II, Side Angle, Triangle, Standing Splits, Half Moon, Pigeon, Sundial, and Wide-Legged Forward Folds...some of my faves. There were lots of nice twists and Chaturanga holds, which are totally my cup of tea. By the time we hit Savasana, I was drenched, whipped, and happy. THAT'S what I'm talking about. Good fun. Dolly has actually incorporated some mandala flow into her classes before, I just never knew that that's what we were doing. And that's the beauty of vinyasa yoga...it is unrestrained, and therefore the sequencing and experiences one can create are endless. It is art as yoga.

Yoga Teacher Training, Day 1, Module 3

Back in class again...really cool to see my yoga friends and Dolly. Today in class we discussed meditation, women's issues like pregnancy and menstruation (and how one's practice is affected by these states), and our greatest challenge as yoga teachers.

Practice was deep stretch for 90 minutes. It was heaven. And since I haven't practiced for a month-and-a-half, it was a great way to ease back in. I did pigeon on both sides for the first time since March, I think, and it felt incredible...knees have held up! Of course, I've iced and Alleved, and hopefully they won't be screaming at me tomorrow. I pray. If not, that's a great sign. But I've decided that I'm going to resume my regular practice with modifications as necessary. Knees, actually, just my left knee, is not as bad as it was, but not getting to 100% despite so much time off. So I'm going to just listen to my body and take it from there. But even if it begins to act up again, I've got to start a serious home practice. As Greg pointed out today, I've got to show up, even for just 15 minutes a day. Imagine if I had been working splits or Pincha Mayurasana or Mountain Climber for just 15 minutes a day for the last month. I'd be a hell of a lot further along than I am now. There's no reason why I can't show up for 15 or 20 minutes. Period.

I have to sit still? For 10 minutes? Oy vey.
So on to the real challenge of the day for me: meditation. We talked a lot about it and I've tried it before, but have never been a big fan. We sat this morning for seven minutes, and that went well for me. We sat again for 10 minutes before finishing up around 5:00pm, and it was a different experience. My back was tired, my legs were tired, and I kept falling asleep. I was more fidgety than in our morning meditation and my thoughts were way more pervasive. What I gathered from this is that if I decided to add this to my list of things to do, it has to be in the morning. In the past when I've meditated at home, it has always been for about 10 minutes in the morning. Honestly, I think that might be enough time for mindfulness for me. It centers me and I wouldn't dread committing to just 10 minutes. I don't know...we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

I know the point of yoga is really to get inside, to get to the meditation, but for a very active person like myself, the sitting is actually torture. Apparently I have a long way to go in this department. But why can't I sit and meditate when I'm old? (OK, I mean really old!) I almost feel too alive to do it now. I can't explain it. I know I'm probably breaking some cardinal school of thought by saying these things, but right now, it just doesn't speak to me. Though I don't think this is a permanent feeling. I could eventually see myself picking it up. But at this point in my life, I feel like a caged tiger that's just been returned to the wild. Not really ready to be still. Not yet.