Yoga Teacher Training, Day 1, Module 3

Back in class again...really cool to see my yoga friends and Dolly. Today in class we discussed meditation, women's issues like pregnancy and menstruation (and how one's practice is affected by these states), and our greatest challenge as yoga teachers.

Practice was deep stretch for 90 minutes. It was heaven. And since I haven't practiced for a month-and-a-half, it was a great way to ease back in. I did pigeon on both sides for the first time since March, I think, and it felt incredible...knees have held up! Of course, I've iced and Alleved, and hopefully they won't be screaming at me tomorrow. I pray. If not, that's a great sign. But I've decided that I'm going to resume my regular practice with modifications as necessary. Knees, actually, just my left knee, is not as bad as it was, but not getting to 100% despite so much time off. So I'm going to just listen to my body and take it from there. But even if it begins to act up again, I've got to start a serious home practice. As Greg pointed out today, I've got to show up, even for just 15 minutes a day. Imagine if I had been working splits or Pincha Mayurasana or Mountain Climber for just 15 minutes a day for the last month. I'd be a hell of a lot further along than I am now. There's no reason why I can't show up for 15 or 20 minutes. Period.

I have to sit still? For 10 minutes? Oy vey.
So on to the real challenge of the day for me: meditation. We talked a lot about it and I've tried it before, but have never been a big fan. We sat this morning for seven minutes, and that went well for me. We sat again for 10 minutes before finishing up around 5:00pm, and it was a different experience. My back was tired, my legs were tired, and I kept falling asleep. I was more fidgety than in our morning meditation and my thoughts were way more pervasive. What I gathered from this is that if I decided to add this to my list of things to do, it has to be in the morning. In the past when I've meditated at home, it has always been for about 10 minutes in the morning. Honestly, I think that might be enough time for mindfulness for me. It centers me and I wouldn't dread committing to just 10 minutes. I don't know...we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

I know the point of yoga is really to get inside, to get to the meditation, but for a very active person like myself, the sitting is actually torture. Apparently I have a long way to go in this department. But why can't I sit and meditate when I'm old? (OK, I mean really old!) I almost feel too alive to do it now. I can't explain it. I know I'm probably breaking some cardinal school of thought by saying these things, but right now, it just doesn't speak to me. Though I don't think this is a permanent feeling. I could eventually see myself picking it up. But at this point in my life, I feel like a caged tiger that's just been returned to the wild. Not really ready to be still. Not yet.

Yoga Teacher Training, Day 1, Module 2

I made it through day one of my second yoga teacher training module...and the knees are feeling OK! Of course, I iced them in and after class, and I pulled way back in my practice, but who cares! If I can just make it through the next five days and not injure them further, I'm golden. A few more weeks off and I think they'll be back to normal.

It's so nice to be back to yoga and to practice with Dolly. Personally, I've missed her and yoga, but now that I'm teaching the kids, practicing is more important than ever—I've got to be able to bring them a fresh and interesting class every other week, and it's hard when you're a new teacher and not practicing or being exposed to new ideas in the interim.

I was thinking today while in class that I'm so glad I decided to just jump in and start teaching the kids with no experience. Even teaching my tiny classes has helped me immeasurably in teacher training exercises. I feel much more confident and teaching is just a teensy bit easier. And chanting and OMs...I could almost care less if I suck or not. Because I know life goes on with or without my shaky OM, and that is a great feeling. I really owe my progress (at least mentally) to the kids. They've given me the freedom to explore my teacher side and put myself out there without fear of judgment. I've also had to face my own fears doing inversions in yoga in order to show them asanas that channel their energy and keep them engaged. That's not to say that I've even come close to mastering handstand or Pincha Mayurasana (Forearm Balance)...BUT...there was a time that I couldn't even do handstand at the wall. So I am making progress as well, and that always feels good.

Now that I'm back in yoga after having been off for the first time since I got into it last year, it has become more obvious than ever that I found yoga at exactly the time in my life when I would need it most, when its effects could be most profoundly realized. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder—and it does—I've missed the cathartic feeling of a good practice like crazy. But absence from yoga also makes the heart grow colder. I've noticed (and I'm sure the people closest to me have noticed) that these weeks away from my practice have yielded a bitter, complaining, self-absorbed person. The attitude change certainly isn't without reason, for there are myriad. However, now that I've practiced a few times in the last week, I can see that yoga is a gift that has arrived at my doorstep just in time, as I am preparing to act upon some pretty damn big decisions in my life, and the one thing I know will keep me sane through all of it is yoga. It levels me out physically, and the ethical guidelines of yoga make me a more spiritual, more conscientious person. I can see now that finding yoga when I did has opened up a new path in my life that I never, ever foresaw—and definitely wasn't making plans for. Now if I can just continue going with the flow, not cowering in the face of fear, I know I will find myself in a new place brimming with contentment and possibility.

It takes courage to change a routine, to evaluate, to question, to do the thing that is not the norm. I've been going with the motions for years. I think I'm finally finding the courage I need to look at my life and make it what I really want it to be. It's scary and exciting at the same time—the thought of taking a huge risk is utterly terrifying to me. But you know what? It's my life. And it's high time I lived it.

Yoga Teacher Training, Day 1, Module 1

Today was my first day of my first yoga teacher training module, and I think it's definitely money well-spent. The teaching manual Dolly put together is wonderful, and despite the long hours in class, the day flew by! I'm in unchartered territory, that's for sure. But I think this is going to be very, very good for me.

Who are my classmates?
They are Lauren, Cay, Marge, Amber, and Greg. Age range is, I'm guessing, mid-20s to early 50s. We're a total of six students, an absolutely perfect number because we can pair off or split the class straight down the middle. We also get lots of individual attention this way as well.

We're obviously all bonded by our love for yoga, but aside from that, I really like all the personalities very much. There is a wonderful vibe in the class, in large part because Dolly is so positive and nurturing, but also because there is no "judgment" vibe at all. It's a very special thing, and I am grateful that I feel safe enough to work through this process with this vibrant bunch of people:

• The person I admire most is Marge. She has three sons in their 20s, and she's giving it her all even though she just came to yoga in her 50s. That takes tremendous courage, and my hat is off to her for it. She's seems to be a very kind soul.
• Greg is the token guy in the class. Greg is also in my regular classes with Dolly, and he brings it every time he hits the mat. He is very focused. From our conversations today, it sounds like he finally feels like he's coming home with yoga, and that is awesome.
• Lauren is a fitness trainer who is also rounding out her Pilates certification as well as yoga. She's going to be a wonderful yoga teacher, I think. She's already got a lovely cadence and presence, and seems extremely approachable.
• Amber is a former ballerina who still teaches ballet. She has a face like an angel! Beautiful girl...who can do full splits! We were all envious. I'm thinking she's the baby of our group, and she seems very curious, very ready to turn a major corner in her life.
• Cay is still a bit of an enigma to me, though I sense she may be a Type A like me. She strikes me as everyone's go-to girl, perhaps a perfectionist, again like me? I could be wrong. But I'm thinking, whatever Cay sets her mind to, she accomplishes. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

Some Cool Stuff We Did
We did some wild and very effective exercises today!

In one exercise, we paired off, one acting as the student, one as the teacher. All the teachers were blindfolded and had to adjust/mold the student into a particular pose only by touch—we could not give any verbal direction. Talk about pressure...you're not only blindfolded, but feeling a stranger's body! But a damn good exercise and ice breaker.

In another exercise, we had to instruct our student verbally only, no touch, and could not give the name of the asana as a clue. Suddenly, I couldn't think of how to instruct the pose, despite having heard Dolly do it many times in class. You forget right and left, mix them up, or omit a key element and the student moves into the wrong position. Again, a brilliant exercise for understanding the importance of verbal and visual instruction.

Our last exercise involved blindfolds again. This time, the students were blindfolded and the teacher had to instruct them into an asana without giving the name of the asana. As the student, you're not only moving into a difficult balance pose like Ardha Chandrasana (Half Moon Pose), you're doing it blindfolded. I can hardly balance in this pose with all my senses available! As the teacher, again, without being able to show or tell the name of the posture, things become significantly more difficult. Funny—the blindfolds were actually an eye-opening experience.

Our Practice Today
Dolly folded us into one of her normal teaching slots, so our asana practice included other students as well. We did a two-hour deep stretch class, and stretch did we ever. This type of class is not usually my cup of tea, as I was telling my classmates, because I can almost never sit still. So holding poses, most of which really play your edge, is grueling—I'd rather do the fast-paced, hardcore, sweat-inducing classes anyday. But this was a good experience, and Dolly did point out that the flexibility we always seem to crave is acquired through deep stretches that are held and practiced daily. I'm going to be practicing splits in front of the TV from here on out!